


coming out is hard to do

by EnterLameUsernameHere



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, Dysphoria, FTM, FTM Dean, Trans Dean, Transgender, reference of John Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:06:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnterLameUsernameHere/pseuds/EnterLameUsernameHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean can't take it anymore, he can't handle being called a girl or "Sammys older sister, Deanna" anymore. Its not him, and he needs Sam to know. He doesn't just want to start taking the hormones he needs them, because its a horrible feeling to hate yourself every time you hear yourself speaking and to want to cry when you see your own reflection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	coming out is hard to do

**Author's Note:**

> (yes, the title is a reference to a song. no, I've never heard said song.)

With shaky hands Dean pulled out a chair and sat across from Sam and Cas. He had to do this. He couldn't stand it anymore, and as much as he wanted to just get up and run out the door instead, he couldn't. Judging by the concerned looks he was getting, Castiel and Sam wouldn't let him run even if he tried.

 

"De whats going on?" Sam asked with the puppy dog face. He was concerned, worried his _sister_ wasn't okay. But would he still care when Deanna was Dean?

 

"I- Okay look, you know this mushy-chick-flick-crap isn't usually for me, so I'm going to try to just get this over with so please just let me say everything I need to say for a minute." Dean put up his usual front even though on the inside he was more scared than ever. "I never got to tell dad any of this before he died and I can't let that happen again. If this is really the end of the world and the apocalypse is really upon us, theres something you need to know."

 

"Don't talk like that, we're going to find a way to-" Sam was cut off by Deans glare. "right, no interrupting, sorry."

 

"Yeah and I'm still going to be working my ass off to find a way to stop this but Sammy, just in case..you need to know." Dean sighed, he knew this wasn't the worst thing that could possibly happen, and it would probably be completely fine but his head was still spinning and his stomach felt like he'd been trapped on a roller coaster for 8 hours straight. "Sam, Cas, I- I don't feel right. When I talk its like, the words are mine but the voice is someone else's entirely, and I can't stand how I look. It's just not me."

 

"What are you talking about? Of course its you."

 

"No Sam, you don't understand I just-" he didn't know how to explain. How do you explain a constant crushing weight on your shoulders forcing you to pretend to be someone while everything inside you is screaming that its so wrong? Dean took a deep breath and tried again. "I, ever since I was little things have just felt wrong..like, you know how you wanted so badly to just be a normal kid? I felt that too but in a different way, I- its not the monster hunting stuff I had a problem with. It was the girl stuff." Sam looked even more confused and concerned than he had a minute ago. "I've tried- tried so hard to just be a normal girl. I tried to do the makeup and nice clothes and all that and I just can't. So I tried to be this tough, tomboy girl..." Dean fought to hold back the tears, he hated crying in front of people. "Its still not right you guys." Dean looked up at his brother and Cas sitting across from him, then quickly back down at his folded but still shaky hands placed on the table, he couldn't look in their eyes.

 

"I don't-" Sam's voice sounded like he wanted to help Dean, but he was still confused. "I don't understand."

 

After being silent since Dean had walked in, Cas finally spoke. "Dean is trying to tell you that he is a boy."

 

Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and just nodded slightly, not removing his eyes from his hands.

 

"A...boy?" the room was silent for a moment. "O-kay." Sam still seemed a bit confused but not judgmental at all.

 

The group sat in a comfortable silence for a moment before Dean finally spoke again "Cas, why do you seem so fine with this?"

 

"Dean, I know everything about you. This is something I knew before even you did."

**Author's Note:**

> kinda hate how I ended this but didn't have a different ending for it.


End file.
